Online Dating - Should You Call Off the Date?

Here is the scenario. You arrange to meet someone you met online. You are excited about it. He or she is excited about it. Your date sends you a few pictures before the date and you discover that this person just isn't your type. What do you do?

First off, stop feeling bad for being shallow. There is nothing wrong with you. The importance of appearance should not be underestimated. We are human, and it is natural to want to be physically attracted to someone. I've actually never understood how someone can say looks aren't important and that believing otherwise is shallow. Why is it any better to like someone because they are funny, or successful, or a fantastic kisser? You have to like a person for everything they are, and appearance is a big part of that.

Next, just call the person and cancel the date. Don't write an e-mail. Call the person out of respect. It is a lot harder to do over the phone than it is to write an e-mail, but nobody ever said that it would be easy. Getting the news in any way is bad, but getting the same news over e-mail just plain sucks. Just politely tell the person the truth. That doesn't mean to go into every last detail about why you found them unattractive. You should simply say that you have in fact decided the person was not your time and that you don't wish to waste that person's type going on a date when you know nothing will materialize in terms of a relationship.

Under no circumstance should you just go on the date and then ignore the person. That is the absolute worse thing you can do. Nobody wants you to go on a pity date, much less the person on the date. Nobody wants to waste their time going on a date when the other person knows that this will be the only date. So just do the right thing, call and cancel. Be honest, and be respectful.

Post Date: When do you have to call?

So when do you have to call after a date to say that you aren't interested. For example, if you have only been on one date, is it the right thing to call to tell the person that you aren't really interested or should you just not call and let it fade into oblivion.

I tend to call no matter what just to let the person know so that they are never thinking, "Hmmm, I wonder what ever happened to him?" But I can definitely see the advantage of just letting it go, as there is no messy or awkward conversation. I'm good at awkward conversations and have no problem freely speaking my mind but just curious what others think.

As for me, I think, even though I always call, that for most people the threshold is the 3rd date. If you have been on 3 dates and are no longer interested, it is common courtesy to call the person to tell them you are no longer interested.

The Dating Rules

Whenever you start dating someone there are certain rules you need to follow. They go unspoken but people definitely follow them.

The thing is, nobody really likes the rules but you have to play by them. Otherwise you might mess something up. People say, "Well I don't like to play all those games" but the thing is whether they know it or not most people prefer people who do follow the rules, they just don't like to be told that that is what they or the other person is donig. Example?

- You do not call the next day
- You do not go on a date two nights in a row
- You do not go out more than once or twice a week
- You do not immediately call back
- You ask a woman out once and only once
- Keep the first date casual, brief, and in a public place
- You do not talk about past relationship on the first or second date
- Avoid tricky topics like Politics and religion on the first date
- The guy pays for the first date
- Keep your phone conversations brief
- Always appear to be busy and to have another life

I can go on and on but you get the picture. I'm not saying I haven't broken some of these rules or that I believe all of them but in general I try to follow most of them. Now I know a lot of you will say that all these rules are silly and that you don't need them to be followed. I call B.S. Sure nobody likes to admit it but we all need the rules to be followed. Do you really want a guy/girl calling you all the time and appearing needy? Of course not. Do you really want to hear about someone's ex on the first date knowing that this person is clearly not over the ex? Of course not.

Yes in a perfect world people would be open and honest with each other and the rules would not need to be followed. However, the problem is that you really need to get to know someone before you are willing to be open and honest there and to get to that point you need to go out on a few dates. The only way to do that is to follow the rules. Its a horrible catch-22.

Some people, it is rare, do not need the rules to be followed. However you are always safer follwing the rules because those who do not need the rules to be followed most likely won't mind if you do follow them. Whereas those who do need the rules followed will run away like crazy if you happen to break them.