The Dating Rules

Tuesday, December 07, 2004
Whenever you start dating someone there are certain rules you need to follow. They go unspoken but people definitely follow them.

The thing is, nobody really likes the rules but you have to play by them. Otherwise you might mess something up. People say, "Well I don't like to play all those games" but the thing is whether they know it or not most people prefer people who do follow the rules, they just don't like to be told that that is what they or the other person is donig. Example?

- You do not call the next day
- You do not go on a date two nights in a row
- You do not go out more than once or twice a week
- You do not immediately call back
- You ask a woman out once and only once
- Keep the first date casual, brief, and in a public place
- You do not talk about past relationship on the first or second date
- Avoid tricky topics like Politics and religion on the first date
- The guy pays for the first date
- Keep your phone conversations brief
- Always appear to be busy and to have another life

I can go on and on but you get the picture. I'm not saying I haven't broken some of these rules or that I believe all of them but in general I try to follow most of them. Now I know a lot of you will say that all these rules are silly and that you don't need them to be followed. I call B.S. Sure nobody likes to admit it but we all need the rules to be followed. Do you really want a guy/girl calling you all the time and appearing needy? Of course not. Do you really want to hear about someone's ex on the first date knowing that this person is clearly not over the ex? Of course not.

Yes in a perfect world people would be open and honest with each other and the rules would not need to be followed. However, the problem is that you really need to get to know someone before you are willing to be open and honest there and to get to that point you need to go out on a few dates. The only way to do that is to follow the rules. Its a horrible catch-22.

Some people, it is rare, do not need the rules to be followed. However you are always safer follwing the rules because those who do not need the rules to be followed most likely won't mind if you do follow them. Whereas those who do need the rules followed will run away like crazy if you happen to break them.


David Cho said...

Do those rules apply to the first or in-person date after corresponding to each other via email? Don't you think that is a bit different from going out on a date with someone you had met at a party a few days ago?

I bring that up because recently I was out on a date with a woman I met through online dating ( Still haven't completely shaken off the stigma associated with Internet dating, but she and I hit it off well. We corresponded for almost three months prior to meeting in person, and it was good to get to know each others' hearts without getting distracted by looks and other things.

T said...


I think it just depends. The rules do change slightly given that you have had communication with this woman for a few months before you actually met her.

That being said, I still think there is some level of "playing it cool" the first time you meet. Sure, you can talk about more serious things as I'm sure those conversations have already been discussed. If you feel that there is a real connection between you and this woman and are sure that you will be interested in each other no matter how an actual meeting goes than of course you can throw everything out the door.