The Laws of Attraction

Friday, December 10, 2004
There is the idea that liking someone for their looks is "shallow" while liking someone for their brain is not. Why is that?

I was having a conversation with someone today about what I find to be attractive. I thought we were talking strictly about physical attributes so I listed a few things that I tend to be attracted to but are by no means set in stone. I was told I was a "typical guy" because I listed only physical characteristics.

Now, those who know me know that this is not all I look for, far from it. But I'm also not ashamed to admit that a very important criteria for me is that I'm attracted to someone physically. If someone has the best personality in the world but I'm just not physically attracted to her it will just never work out. I've learned this about myself and I've grown to accept it.

This may seem strange coming from someone, like me, whose strongest attribute is probably that I'm intelligent. I should think that everyone should judge people solely on their intellect as I would probably do quite well for myself. But I believe you should like people for whatever reason you want and that no reason is better than another. Isn't it all just arbitrary? When in history did someone decide that liking someone because they happen to be beautiful rather than really intelligent is a bad thing?

It is OK to like someone because they are smart, a great painter, an awesome musician, kind to children, etc. but it is wrong because they are beautiful? Shouldn't we admire excellence in whatever form it takes? Here are typical reasons.

Some people are just born beautiful. You can't help the way you look.

I completely disagree. You can definitely make yourself "better looking" than simply what god gave you. There is of course plastic surgery but I'm talking about working out, eating right, and taking care of yourself. Besides, some people are just born smarter or more talented than others so say "they are just born with it" isn't really a fair statement.

Beauty is fleeting.

So are a lot of things. If I get Alzheimer's and my intellect is gone does that mean it is OK to stop loving me? Success is fleeting. You might have a great job now but maybe you have a stroke and can no longer work. If you are a great guitarist maybe you mangle your hand and can no longer play.

Its just superficial

The question is why? By whose standards? What makes it more superficial than anything else?

I will agree liking a person for ONLY their looks might be bad but so is liking someone ONLY because they are smart. Like I said, you have to look at the complete package.


ladeemase said...

HA! I would soooo go into a big discussion with you about this. Love reading your posts...we do seem quite alike in some ways.

Jen said...

Luckily, I'm beautiful and briliant, and any man is lucky to have me. :)